Tell me who I am
by Nora Lena Potter
Summary: Rated for abuse and mention of sex, Harry even sings! I rewrote 2nd chapter! 3rd chapter is up
1. Default Chapter

Important: I DO NOT OW HARRY POTTER!!!  
  
Summary: In the end of Harry's fivth year.  
PG-13 because of: Language, Nightmares, Abuse, rape, probably even slash,  
hate, fights, songs and more  
  
1st chapter coming home  
  
Even after the warning his Uncle had gotten from the Order Harry could tell that the man didn't care very much. "I don't have all the day so move your arse you prate!" Vermon barked and somehow Harry prayed to god that Vermon was in such a bad mood.  
  
The drive back to Private Drive number four was very silent and none of them spoke a word even when the car had stopped Vermon didn't say anything and slowly Harry got the feeling that he didn't want to know what was coming next.  
  
SLAP. The soon Harry had entered the house his uncle had slapped him with all his power and that was really a lot. Petunia was in the kitchen together with Dudley so they were now watching the scene.  
  
Vermon grabbed Harry by the neck and pulled him up to his high so Harry's feet left the ground "You will work for your food this year you worthless prate. YOU MURDER. An I don't care how those Freaks try to treat me, you will send them good nice letters all few days and nothing more!" Harry fell back to the ground, no other word could have hit him harder than the word Murder.  
  
The fear came back to him, the thought which had tried to come into his mind all the time since Harry had come through that was inside his head since the fourth year and now after what happened in his fifth year even stronger than ever before.  
  
He was a Murder, he had Murdered Cedric and his own Godfather and even his own Parents were death because of him so what a person was he?  
  
Harry was so deep in thoughts that he barely noticed that his uncle had went on in beating the living shit out of him and that he had thrown him into the cupboard the soon he was done.  
  
Every part in his body hurt terrible, he could not even move a muscle, he was back 'home' for the first day and every member of his so called family had already beaten him by now. He was laying in his cupboard covered in blood, bruises and gashes when the door to the cupboard opened.  
  
A dark figure, tall and fat stood there and pulled him out of the cupboard "Playtime." Was the only thing he said "Pull out your cloths!" the figure said but the body on the ground just couldn't move anything the pain he was in was just too much his skin felt like on fire.  
  
"Fine then I will do it for you." With that he ripped the cloths from Harry's body. Knowing that it was night and his aunt and cousin were visiting friends of Petunia, gave Vermon all free time he needed for his so called 'Playtime.'  
  
Harry looked at the bigger man in shock and suddenly he saw that Vermon's pants were very tight all of the sudden. "There is no way that you can escape! You have already send your god damned letter and none will hear you!"  
  
With that he took Harry by the next and pulled him with him into the cellar. It was dark there and it smelled like whisky . a lot of whisky actually .  
  
Vermon took Harry by the hands and tied them together. The boy was much too skinny and much too weak to do anything. The man bound the boys hands on the bares of a bed that was standing there.  
  
Harry could only close his eyes from the pain that shot through his upper body all of the sudden. ~~~~~~~~~~ I know this is short but I need to know what you think about it.TBC PLEASE R/R 


	2. The Concert

Important: I DO NOT OW HARRY POTTER!!!  
  
Summary: In the end of Harry's fivth year.  
PG-13 because of: Language, Nightmares, Abuse, rape, probably even slash,  
hate, fights, songs and more  
  
2nd Chapter: The concert and what can happen when you get drunk  
  
An extreme thin boy with long black hair and shining green emeralds as eyes was standing in front of the public on the stage, the microphone in his hand, he was singing in an extreme deep voice that could have scared every Muggle in this concert to dead, if they hadn't known that it was the band 'COMING STORM' and their singer Mickey, as he was called by the public, he just had stepped on the stage and the public started to cheer as loud as possible 'Damn god knows I am glad none from Hogwarts can recognize me so a big 'thank you' to the one that had discovered concealing charms!!!' he thought as he began to sing:  
  
"I was laying in the dirt, I was laying in my blood, When he came to me and started with the torture. The whip hit me more often than I can count, I don't wanna know what he has done after I passed out Every time when I woke I received an other slap And he started yelling into my ear:  
  
Can you see me? Can you hear me? Can you feel me? I am god! I am evil! I will get you! I will rape you! You are nothing! You are worthless! You're a freak and You are lonely! You have nothing that can stop me because:  
  
None can see you! None can hear you! None can help you! Ever in your cursed life!  
  
Harry had been running over the stage like a madman. Singing with heart and soul the song he had written himself. It had been like this for the last days. Since his uncle wanted him to earn his 'life' with the Dursley's, he had started to sing with his old band, he had been in the band 'Coming Storm' even before Hogwarts and knew that he would get a bit money there, it was enough to save his life but he still got his beatings every day, Vermon was always somewhere near the stage or when he didn't have the time he send Dudley after Harry to make sure he wouldn't eat something.  
  
Harry was again very thankful for the concealing charms he had learned last year, because they covered all of his injures and mixed with a numbing spell he couldn't feel the pain as well (I know underaged wizards can't do magic but you'll find out later why he can). He was pulled out of his thoughts by the next song. Pulling himself together the guy with the black leather cloak, black leather pants and black silk shirt made himself ready for the next songs:  
  
Every night I lay awake, see your dead faces next to me, Beautiful but empty eyes, they look at me and then they start to cry: You are a murder, you killed me! Why are you alive and I am dead? You could have stopped it! But you never did it! Why are you alive and I am dead???  
  
And when the day comes, pain grew stronger every breath, Hurt and pain filled eyes, I look at the mirror and would like to cry: I am the murder, I've killed them! Why are they dead and I am alive? I could have stopped him! But I never did it! Why are they dead and I am alive?  
  
Tell me how can I change it, tell me what can I do! Tell me if we can twist places, where shall I go?  
  
He grinned at Jack who was standing next to him playing the guitar "You know without you it was boring now they love us again!" "You just needed a melancholic, freakish, mad, crazy, troublemaking prate like me that was all!" Jack slap him playfully on the back of the head but Harry was faster and could even steal Jack his Cigarette.  
  
"Hmm Malboro you know those are my favorite do you Jacky-boy?" Jack rolled his eyes, he as well as the rest of the band knew full well that Harry or Mickey was just playing to cover the pain he was in, they had known about the abuse for years but Harry had pleased them not to tell anyone, because it was his own busyness! When the next song started Harry went on with his singing:  
  
Darkness comes nearer step by step, I'm hated by other as much as by myself! I can't trust anyone but I can play And try to hid the truth!  
  
And now I am alone Everyone else has left They are happy now without me! I only feel coldness..  
  
So it went on song and song and song and finally it was over. Harry made his way into the VIP zone of the concert hall to calm his nerves a bit. They had been playing for weeks every night and Harry had barely gotten any sleep.  
  
He was now sitting in his room waiting for his uncle to bring him home. This had been the last concert of the year and so the rest of the band suddenly stormed into the room. They all looked much the same: black cloths, black long hair, thin if not to say skinny if you don't look at the drummer who had enough muscles to lift a Jeep, the only other difference between them let out the high was the color of their eyes.  
  
Where Harry's eyes were deep green like emeralds. Jack was an Albino so he had dyed his hair but nothing less he had red eyes like blood and somehow he remind Harry often of Voldemort.  
  
Steve the Drummer had ocean blue eyes like Dumbeldor, John the second E- guitar player next to Jack had deep brown eyes nearly as dark as Snape's and Frank had gray eyes which remind Harry extreme to Cederic.  
  
"Harry come on its party time, that was our last concert for this year and we have a new CD! Now lets have a Pizza or two and then we get drunk until we can't see each other anymore." Harry smiled at Jack "You know my uncle do you? Plus if I would eat just a single thing I would with hundred percent throw up after it because me and my stomach are in a little fight since two weeks."  
  
The others looked with concern at the youngest of their group, and the smallest. There was a loud knock on the door and Vermon Dursley entered the room "Come on boy I don't want to waste the whole day just because of you!" now Pierce a good friend of the band and the financial interested boy of them, entered the room, he had heard the whole conversation.  
  
"Mr. Dursley here is the money Harry would have gotten for this night and now I would like to ask you if Harry could stay here just for a while?" Vermon looked at Harry who had a pleading in his eyes. "He has to do the housework my wife is ill he can't stay away!" "I will do all of it the soon I am back uncle Vermon." Harry said and finally after getting the money from Pierce the older man said yes and so the night began for them.......  
  
Harry awoke in a large bed, he didn't know where he was but the first thing he did was to check if all of his charms were still in place. Over the time he had had nothing to do at the Dursley's he had done all of his Homework and more accidentally he had found something about wand less magic and that the ministry can't recognize it as far as it isn't used too often.  
  
He tried to remember what had happened last night when he felt an arm on his chest he looked down to see Jack laying there and realization hit him  
  
~~~~~Flashback~~~~~  
  
They had been at the bar until late in the night when one of them had had the damn idea to get tattoo's for everyone. Harry who had been so drunken that he could just barely walk straight had asked what the others thought about a black Thunderbird for they were 'The Coming Storm' and after some more minuets they had all agreed and had let Frank and Steve (who were both great at this) give everyone of them the Tattoo of a black Thunderbird who had his wings spread over the whole back and if you looked close you could see that the eyes of the thunderbird were always the same of the one on whose back it was.  
  
(They had done a lot more than just this one Tattoo but Harry couldn't remember everything at the moment)  
  
As next they went into an other disco where Harry started to flirt with a girl the soon he entered the disco and just a few minutes later he had disappeared with her in the bathroom and came back an hour later with a very bride grin on his face the first in long days for he had forgotten all about the last year.  
  
After that they had gone into Pierce's flat and went on with drinking until Steve had been so drunk, that he fell asleep on the floor. Harry who had been extreme drunk at this time but not ready to collapse was supported by Jack who could at least still stand on his own he helped Harry into the bedroom.  
  
There he had pulled out the younger boy's cloths. Harry had just looked at him while he had started to drift away. "Sleep well brother!" Jack had said before he had fallen asleep also.  
  
~~~~~End of Flash~~~~  
  
Harry suddenly noticed that he had a really terrible headache and the first thing he did was to run into the bathroom!  
  
So it went on for many days Harry couldn't remember one night in this week which he could remember fully.  
  
Steve had given him the rest of his money (he had known that Vermon would take all money he could get so he hadn't told the man how much they really got) "Here Mikey the rest of your money is at the bank!" Harry looked at his friends and thanked them once again Before walking back to the Dursley's (Ps: he had told the order that he would write later)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ It is a bit longer but please if you read it, and if you want more be so king and ad a review! 


	3. 3rd Chapter: Hard Reality again

Important: I DO NOT OW HARRY POTTER!!!  
  
Summary: In the end of Harry's fivth year.  
PG-13 because of: Language, Nightmares, Abuse, rape, probably even slash,  
hate, fights, songs and more 3rd Chapter: Hard Reality again  
  
As funny and good as this day with his friends had been, as bad was the time that came after it. The injures he had had before had become worst, Vermon was now beating him to wake him up, to tell him it was time to fulfill his duties, or just for fun.  
  
Harry was outside in the garden to paint the garden cottage while the temperature in the shadows was already 37°C, everyone would have stayed inside because in the sun it was unbearable! Harry had been touching his forehead every two minutes. His dark circled eyes were just fixed on the cottage to get it done as fast as possible.  
  
Finally he had done everything outside so he went inside to drink a bit but his uncle said that he wouldn't get anything as long as he hadn't done all of his duties, so Harry went on cleaning the floor in the kitchen, the living room the new dining room, Dudley's room as well as Dudley's second room.  
  
When he had finally done all of his duties, he was by far too tired to drink something so he simply laid down, stroking his owl and giving her an other owl-treat. But even though he was terrible tired he just couldn't go back to sleep, he knew very good what would happen then: He would have an other nightmare.an other terrible nightmare and he would awake from it screaming.uncle Vermon would come down the stairs and beat the shit out of him!  
  
He did more for school than he had ever done before and when he had finally finished the potion book for the third time, he took out a his diary or more songbook and wrote an other song down it was called 'Tell me who I am.':  
  
You see me everyday You say you are my friend You say you know me well You think I am what you see.  
  
But I look in the mirror And see my own reflection Then I turn to you and start to yell:  
  
Tell me who I am Tell me what I can What makes you think That you would know me? Do you really think That I am what you see?  
  
They see me everyday They think I am their hero They think they know me well They think I am what they see.  
  
But I look.  
  
Tell me who I am Tell me what I can Tell me who I am Tell me what I can.  
  
With that he put the songbook aside and went back to his wand less magic. All he could do at the moment was to cover his own look and to disguise the injures enough so you couldn't see them this easy and now he was trying unlocking charms but after he had done it he though by himself what he should do with that because he may be able to flee but where? Where should he flee?  
  
The Burrow? That would bring the Weasleys in to much danger plus: Ron hadn't written him one letter even though Harry had already send him three.  
  
The Grangers? Same as with the Weasleys plus they couldn't even defend themselves because they were Muggle and had no clue of how to perform magic.  
  
Hogwarts? ..Dumbeldor would never allow it, he had said that here was the most safest place for him plus he would be under constant gaze of the teachers again.  
  
Remus? That was really some idea, Harry thought by himself how he would greet him 'Hi Remus I know I am the reason your last and best friend died but probably we could hang around together nevertheless.'  
  
Harry couldn't take it anymore, he was sitting here being beaten up all day, he had to write all three days but he didn't hear anything from the wizarding world 'They all think you a murder and a maniac!' he then thought and sat back on his bed where he soon fell asleep.  
  
~~~~~Dream~~~~~  
  
He was in a big room that looked a lot like a dungeon but much colder than the dungeons in Hogwarts. He started to walk to the right, he knew very good what was coming now so he opened the first door he found, but what he saw was worst than anything he could have suspected.  
  
There hanging on the wall of the cell was his very own potion master and in front of him was the bastard with the bloody red eyes. Harry walked over to Snape, he couldn't hear what they were saying but he had noticed that somehow the victims he saw in his dreams became calmer when he talked with them so he walked over to Snape and began to talk.  
  
Somehow it worked because even when a Crucio had been shot at Snape he didn't scream but his eyes were fixed on Harry "I will bring you help but where are you?" he asked fast and suddenly he heard the voice of his potion master in his head weak but it was there.  
  
"Ri.Riddle house, under the living room." Harry nodded his head and with one last glance at the potion master he jumped between the curse and the man, he knew that pain was the only way to bring him out of those damn nightmares!  
  
~~~~~End of Dream~~~~~  
  
Finally Harry was back, he had woken up with his head hurting like mad but for the first time he hadn't screamed because of that, his thoughts were more on the look Snape had given him. This had never happened before. Normally he was just like a calming wind for the victims but today it seemed as if Snape had been able to see him.  
  
Harry concentrated with all his mind on Hogwarts, he needed to inform someone there so he needed to find someone who was asleep and BINGO. Dumbeldor seemed to have been fallen asleep over all his paper work. 'Why am I helping this damn ass??? And why in hells name am I going to talk with Dumbeldor of all? The man that had let me down through the whole last year??? But I wont ever see them again so who cares.'  
  
With that he touched the headmaster's shoulder and started to shake him lightly the old man awoke, he couldn't see anyone but he heard a voice that sounded like talking from far away "Snape had been captured, he is in the Riddle house in the dungeons under the living room. It is in Little Hampshire." With that the voice stopped.  
  
Dumbeldor looked around in the room wondering if he had finally lost it completely, but he was sure that he had heard it. This voice had been very deep but somehow terrible familiar but from where did he know it?  
  
~~~~~Two days later in the Dungeons of the Riddle house~~~~~  
  
Snape had been hanging on the wall. Semiconscious. He had seen ghosts every night or at least he thought so for he had seen the golden boy every night and it even seemed as if the golden boy had tried his best to calm him.  
  
Suddenly the door to his cell was opened, but just barely and a man with dirty blond hair ran inside.  
  
"Hold on Sev just a little bit longer OK?" Snape tried to nod his head but everything hurt so horrible that he just couldn't. He could feel how Lupin's, normally weak but though the adrenaline at the moment very strong, arms made there way around Snape's by now skinny waist and how he started to carry the man out of the dungeon "Have you found him?" "Come here Arthur help me with him!" "Oh my.Sev." With that Arthur Weasley walked over to Snape as well and helped him on the other side.  
  
Finally they had made it out of the house. "We have to get into the forest and from there we will have to bring you back into the Burrow, you can't go back to Hogwarts at the moment."  
  
When they were finally in the forest they apparated. Arthur helped Severus on a couch while Remus brought down all the mending-supplies "Has he found out who you are Sev?" Arthur tried to start a conversation to take Sev off from his pain "No but....but though he didn't get Potter nor the Prophecy he thought he would have to let me suffer pain and now he said he wouldn't care what I do as long as I appear the next time he calls me." With that Snape started to drift away again but Remus held his head and started to stroke him and called his name so he wouldn't fall asleep while Arthur mend Sev's injures.  
  
"Thank you guys.." was the last Snape said before he finally drifted away completely. Madam Pomfrey arrived two minuets later, she had a full timetable since Voldemort had returned but she went into full nurse manner when she saw Snape.  
  
"You have to take care that he stays in bed for at least two weeks other then that he needs to drink a lot and make sure he eats from time to time and his temperature has gone down a lot so make sure he is warm." The two men nodded their heads and with that Madam Pomfrey left.  
  
The two of them transformed the couch Snape was laying on, into a more comfortable bed and put it in front of the fireplace to wait and see when Snape would awake.  
  
*************** I wish everyone a happy new year! 


End file.
